Wherever You Will Go
by lorilee66
Summary: The Barkley family has to deal with a devastating loss.  follows 'Champion Of My Heart'
1. Chapter 1

A/N: _I have debated long and hard whether to post this story here. It elicited some strong reactions the first time I posted it, not all of them positive, so if you read, please keep an open mind. It is a story of tragic loss and how those we love will always be with us. The story starts ten years after "Champion of My Heart'._

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Jarrod helped Remi down from the buggy. They had just returned from a wonderful weekend in San Francisco after being invited to the Governor's Ball. He gazed admiringly at his wife, marveling at how beautiful she was. All the elegant women at the party and his wife was still the one who drew the most eyes wherever she went.

Remington caught his gaze. "What are you thinking about?" she asked curiously.

Jarrod laughed and kissed her hand. "Just admiring the most beautiful woman in California," he told her, blue eyes twinkling.

She snatched her hand away playfully. "I thought you were trying to stop telling me that," she teased, even though she had long since gotten over her embarrassment at his frequent compliments.

"When you stop being so beautiful," he responded as he gathered her into his arms and kissed her deeply.

A loud cry of "Mama! Papa!" from the direction of the house made them break off their embrace. Two red haired girls ran up and grabbed Jarrod around the legs. He swung one of them into his arms and looked at her closely.

"Now who do we have here?" he asked, pretending to think hard. "Beth, isn't it?"

She gave him a pout. "No, Papa, I'm Emily," she insisted, pointing down at her sister. "That's Beth."

Remi just laughed. Jarrod always did that to their twin girls, even though he could easily tell them apart. She turned just in time to catch the small blond boy rushing toward her and gave him a big hug. "I do believe you've grown in the last few days, James," she said, scrutinizing him carefully. James, the quiet one of the family, just gave his mother a kiss on the cheek as they made their way into the house.

"And where are the rest of your brothers and sisters?" Jarrod asked Emily as he put her down inside the door. She thought hard.

"Thomas and Josh went to help Uncle Nick," she replied, "Ella and Katey were helping Rosa in the kitchen, Vicky's having her nap and Adam's upstairs playing."

Her twin impatiently tugged on Jarrod's arm. "Where are my presents?" Beth demanded.

Remi and Jarrod looked at each other in mock confusion.

"Presents?" Remi said, keeping a straight face. "I don't remember anything about presents, do you, dear?"

"No," Jarrod replied slowly, "I don't, either." Seeing the crestfallen faces of the three children, he had to laugh. "They're in the buggy," he reassured them. "But they'll have to keep until everyone's together."

Just then, they heard a loud shriek from the kitchen. Exchanging a worried glance, Remi and Jarrod rushed in, followed by the three children. Rosa, their housekeeper, was brandishing a large wooden spoon at three muddy figures standing by the door. Two older girls, one blonde and one dark, were by the stove, giggling.

"How dare you invade my kitchen looking like that that!" Rosa was yelling. She noticed Remi and Jarrod standing at the entrance. "Oh, Señor Jarrod, Señora Remi, look what I have to put up with!"

Remi giggled along with her two oldest daughters and Jarrod couldn't hold back his laughter.

Nick Barkley gave her a sheepish smile, and the two boys with him looked chagrined. The trio was covered head to toe in mud and dirt. Nick even had dirt smeared across his face.

"Sorry, Rosa," the older of the boys apologized. "We could smell the cookies and just wanted a couple before we went back to work."

Remi tried to glare at Nick, but couldn't. He looked too silly.

"What have you been doing with my boys, Nick?" she demanded, trying not to laugh. "Rolling them in mud?" Then she shook her head. "On second thought, I don't want to know." She grabbed three cookies that were cooling nearby and gave them to the muddy cowboys. "Here. Eat them outside. And don't come back until you're clean."

"Thanks, Mama," the younger boy said as they dashed outside with their prizes. Nick just tipped his hat and followed.

Rosa threw up her hands. "Nine children are enough, but Señor Nick!" She shook her head. "He is enough trouble for five on his own!"

Jarrod gave the exasperated housekeeper a kiss on the cheek. "And what would we do without you to help keep them in line?"

Rosa flushed. "Oh, Señor Jarrod," she scolded him. "And in front of your wife!"

Jarrod just laughed and gave his wife a solid kiss on the lips. "This should take care of that," he declared. Remi pulled him closer for a longer embrace.

"You two are worse than newlyweds," Rosa admonished them. The other children, who were stealing their own cookies, just giggled. They were used to their parents' regular displays of affection.

Remi smiled. "Jarrod, why don't you unpack the buggy while I round up the rest of the children?" she suggested.

"A good idea, my love," Jarrod agreed. As they were leaving the room, Rosa remembered something.

"Oh, the two of you are expected at Señora Victoria's for dinner tonight. Señor Heath has a special guest he wants you to meet."

Remi raised her eyebrows. "Really?" She gave Jarrod a speculative look. "You don't think Heath could have finally met someone."

"It's Miss Wilson," the blonde girl piped up. They all turned to her.

"Miss Wilson?" Jarrod asked. "Your teacher? Are you sure, Katey?"

Katey nodded. "Oh, yes. I've seen Uncle Heath meet her after school sometimes. He looks at her the same way you look at Mama."

Jarrod put his arm around his lovely wife. "Well, then, we'd better make sure we don't show up late."

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They almost were late. Very late. As Jarrod was checking his tie in the mirror in their room, Remi came up behind him and slipped her arms around his waist.

"I need to ask you a question," she breathed in his ear. He turned and took her in his arms, kissing her.

"Ask away, my darling."

Jarrod placed soft kisses along the line of her jaw as Remi asked, "What do you think of the number ten?"

He stopped and looked at her. There was no mistaking the sparkle in her eyes.

"I like it even more than I like the number nine, almost as much as eleven," he responded slowly, regarding her with loving eyes. "Are you sure?"

Remi pulled out of his arms. "Jarrod Barkley," she told him indignantly. "We have nine children already. Of course I'm sure."

His arms reclaimed her and their kiss became more passionate. His hand caressed the small of her back and her hands slid even lower.

"We're going to be late for dinner," she whispered.

"Let them wait," Jarrod murmured as his lips traveled down her neck to the top of her bodice.

Laughing, she gently pushed him away. "And what impression would that give Miss Wilson of our family?" she teased, and then added, her voice breathy and low, "We'll celebrate tonight, Mr. Barkley."

Jarrod seized her hand and placed a lingering kiss in her palm. "Until tonight, Mrs. Barkley."

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Nick was impatient. "Well, where are they?" he asked for at least the third time.

"Patience, Nick," Victoria chided him. "They just returned home this morning. I'm sure there were quite a few things that needed attention before they could get away." She turned to Heath's guest. "Jarrod and Remington have been in San Francisco the last few days."

Rebecca Wilson smiled, eyes merry. "Yes, I remember Katey telling me they were invited to the Governor's Ball. It must have been lovely."

At that moment, the door opened and Jarrod and Remi entered the house.

"I hope we haven't kept you waiting," Jarrod announced.

"Only a few minutes," Victoria assured them, giving Nick a warning glance, which Nick ignored.

"What kept you?" the dark cowboy demanded.

Remi gave Nick an amused glance. "Oh, you know how it is. The children are always asking for one more kiss or one more hug before we can get out of the house." She and Jarrod exchanged a long look.

Nick didn't miss their exchange and snorted. "Right. The _children_ needed another kiss."

Victoria rose from her seat gracefully. "Well, I believe dinner is served," she declared, forestalling any more teasing. "Shall we go in?"

"Before we do, Mother," Heath said, taking Rebecca's hand. "There's something you all should know." He and Rebecca smiled at each other. "Rebecca and I are getting married."

"That's wonderful news, Heath!" Victoria congratulated, giving him a kiss.

Jarrod shook Heath's hand. "Congratulations," he said. Turning to Rebecca, he gave her a brotherly kiss on the cheek. "Welcome to the family."

Nick slapped Heath on the back. "Way to go, Heath. It seems as though my brothers have cornered the market on pretty schoolteachers." He looked from Rebecca to Remi. "Now let's go eat. I'm starving."

Silas had outdone himself with the meal as usual. Victoria asked after Audra and her family, who were living in San Francisco. Remi questioned Heath and Rebecca on their wedding plans and Jarrod related the incident in the kitchen that had greeted he and Remi on their return home, much to Nick's embarrassment.

Rebecca spoke up. "I must say it's a pleasure to have Katey in my class," she told Remi and Jarrod. "She's so bright and well-mannered."

Heath chuckled. "You might not say that if you saw her torment her brothers and sisters. I think she got her Uncle Nick's talent for practical jokes."

"Well, she's a very caring, conscientious girl at school," Rebecca reassured Remi. "I look forward to meeting your other children. I understand you have a large family?"

Nick and Heath tried to contain their grins. The number and frequency of their oldest brother's children was a constant source of amusement to the two cowboys.

"Nine at last count," was Jarrod's reply. He took Remi's hand and kissed it and they shared a knowing glance. Tonight's dinner wasn't the appropriate time to tell their family the news and they had decided to wait.

Nick, however, didn't miss the look and quickly deduced its cause.

"Oh, no, not again," he groaned.

"What is it, Nick?" Victoria wanted to know.

"Them," Nick complained, gesturing to Jarrod and Remi with his fork. He fixed them with an accusing stare. "They've figured out what causes that, you know."

Jarrod almost choked on his steak. A small giggle escaped from Remi and she started to blush. Heath quickly realized what was going on and couldn't hide a broad smile.

"Nick, whatever are you talking about?" Victoria demanded.

Nick continued to look at his brother and sister-in-law. "They're having another baby," he announced. "And don't you two try to deny it."

Jarrod, having recovered, couldn't help but smile. "We wouldn't dream of denying it, brother Nick."

Victoria beamed. Even though they'd heard this announcement more than a few times before, it never ceased to thrill her. She loved all her grandchildren and knew how much Jarrod and Remi loved them too. "That's wonderful news," she declared.

Rebecca picked up her glass. "I do believe this call for a toast." She raised the glass in Jarrod and Remi's direction. "To your family and the new baby," she said.

"Here, here," agreed Heath as they drank.

Remi had gotten over her embarrassment and decided to get Nick back. "So, Nick," she said, looking at him curiously, "you were going to tell us what causes this."

Nick's jaw dropped open. "Well, uh…"

Jarrod joined in. He had endured his fair share of teasing over the years about he and Remi's growing family and was ready for a little payback.

"Yes, Nick, since we obviously haven't figured it out yet."

Victoria cut in, rescuing her middle son. "I don't think this is appropriate dinner conversation," she scolded before turning to her future daughter-in-law. "Rebecca, I must apologize for my family's lack of manners."

Rebecca just laughed. "I grew up with brothers, too," she reassured Victoria. "This just feels like home."

Heath reached over and squeezed her hand. "I'm glad," he said simply. "I was afraid my crazy family might scare you off."

"Never," she replied.

Victoria was glad to see her children so happy. _Now,_ she thought to herself, _we just need to find someone for Nick._


	2. Chapter 2

Jarrod returned home early. His current case had been adjourned to the following week and he was looking forward to spending some time with his family. Even though he took a great deal of teasing from his brothers, Jarrod was happiest surrounded by his children or in the arms of his lovely wife. He had always looked forward to having a family but was a bit surprised at how much they fulfilled him.

He rode up to their house, built on the other side of the ranch's outbuildings. He and Remi lived at the main house until after the birth of their first children, twins Thomas and Ella, before deciding it was time for their own place. But neither wanted to be too far from his family, so their house was as close as they could make it.

Remi was outside, pruning rosebushes. Jarrod walked over, grabbed her around the waist, and planted a kiss soundly on her lips.

"Well, counselor, this is a surprise. What brings you home so early?" she asked after he released her.

"I'm taking the rest of the day off," he informed her. "It's rather quiet around here, darling. Where is everybody?"

Remi removed her gloves as Jarrod sat on the step. She sat down next to him. "Thomas, Ella, Katey and Josh are still at school, Beth, Emily and Adam are with your mother and the little ones are having their nap." She placed a hand on his thigh and moved closer. "So I have you all to myself for the next couple hours."

Jarrod met her warm lips with his own. He never lost the tingle of excitement her kisses sent through him, even after almost ten years of marriage.

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we get out of here?" he whispered, nibbling on her earlobe. "I know just the spot."

He stood up and helped her to her feet. Grabbing the reins to his horse, they quickly informed Rosa they were going out and went to the stable and saddled her mount.

Feeling like a couple of kids skipping school, they rode to one of their favorite spots on the ranch, a small grove of trees overlooking part of the valley. Jarrod saw to the horses as Remi spread a blanket in the shade of the tree.

They spend a wonderful hour, reveling in each other's presence and the feel of each other's bodies. But soon it was time to fetch the older children from school and they reluctantly packed up to return home.

Jarrod reached out to untie the horses when the shot rang out and he slumped to the ground. Remi froze.

"Jarrod?" she said, unable to believe what she saw. He didn't move. "Jarrod!" she screamed and ran to him and cradled his bleeding body in her arms.

Nick and Heath were rounding up some strays when they heard the shot. Exchanging a glance, they quickly rode in that direction. Heath spotted a lone rider racing away.

"I'll get him!" he called to Nick and spurred on his horse.

Nick continued in the direction the gunfire came from until he came on the tragic scene.

Remi was seated on the ground, tears streaming down her face, holding onto Jarrod, trying to stop the bleeding with her hands. Jarrod's breathing was a harsh rattle as Nick slowly walked over and knelt down beside them.

"Jarrod," he said, not believing his eyes.

Jarrod opened his eyes and focused on Nick. "Nick," he whispered. "Take care of them for me." Nick nodded, unable to speak. Jarrod looked over at Remi and tried to lift a hand to her face. She caught it and held it, bringing it to her lips. "Oh, my love…" he started, then took one last breath and was gone.

"No," Remi moaned. "No, Jarrod…" She held his body close, unable to let go. Nick put a comforting hand on her shoulder, not believing his brother was really dead.

He heard hoofbeats and looked to see Heath riding up. Heath dismounted and stopped, stunned.

"My God," he exclaimed. "Jarrod?"

Nick shook his head, indicating it was too late.

Heath removed his hat. "I got him," he told them. "The sonovabitch took a couple shots at me and I had to take him out."

Nick nodded grimly. "Shooting was too good for that bastard." Not a word Nick used lightly, considering, but Heath understood the intent.

They stood awkwardly for a moment, Remi still clinging to Jarrod's body. Heath was the first to speak.

"I'll go get the wagon so we can bring him home."

"Yeah, good idea," Nick replied, not taking his eyes off his friend and the body of his brother. As Heath rode for home, Nick put his arms around Remi and held her as she poured out her grief at the loss of her love, her soul mate.

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The funeral was held a few days later. It seemed as if the whole valley showed up to pay tribute to Jarrod Barkley. It was discovered that the shooter was one Nash Lyle, a notorious renegade who Jarrod had successfully prosecuted more than once. Many people had been helped by the conscientious lawyer in the course of his career and everyone loved his beautiful, vivacious wife and their numerous children.

Remi escaped to the garden, hopefully unnoticed. The well-meaning visitors were getting on her nerves and she just needed some peace and quiet. She sat on the bench and thought back to that last week she and Jarrod spent together.

The night after she told Jarrod about the baby. They made love far into the night and slept late, waking up only when the three youngest children had burst into their room, giggling in delight at getting to snuggle in Mama and Papa's bed.

The picnic they had taken with Heath and Rebecca. The children were so excited that Uncle Heath was getting married and Rebecca promised that they would all be in the wedding party. She and Jarrod had sat and watched, laughing at the joy evident in everyone's faces.

That last magical hour they spent at their favorite spot, making love again and talking about their hopes and dreams for their children.

Remi couldn't stop the tears running down her face. She grieved for herself, having to spend the rest of her days without her beloved Jarrod. She grieved for Nick and Heath and Audra and Victoria, who had lost a brother and a son. And she grieved for their children, who wouldn't have their father's loving presence to help and guide them.

The tears flowed unchecked until a comforting arm was placed around her shoulders. She turned her face and wept into Nick's chest.

Nick watched as Remi slipped out into the garden. He gave her some time to be alone for a few minutes, then followed. Now he held the woman who meant so much to him and his family, stroking her fiery red hair, trying to give her some measure of comfort and trying to find some in return. Jarrod had always been the rock of the Barkley family, the one everybody counted on and took their problems to. Nick couldn't stop a few tears of his own from escaping.

Eventually, the tears ran out and Remi rested her head quietly on Nick's shoulder.

"You okay?" he asked. She nodded.

"I just had to get out of there," Remi told him. "If someone pats my hand and says 'Oh you poor dear' one more time, I think I'll drown them in the punch bowl."

In spite of the situation, Nick chuckled. Remi joined in.

"I know they mean well," she continued. "But even though a piece of me is gone, was buried today in that grave…" She paused as another tear threatened to escape. "I still have all of you and the children."

Nick kissed her forehead gently. "I'll always be here for you, Red," he assured her. "And that herd you call a family."

Remi recalled the joy she and Jarrod experienced at the births of their children. The memory of the first brought a smile to her face. "Remember when Thomas and Ella were born?"

Nick couldn't help a smile as well. He was remembering when they told the family that first time.

_It has only been a week since Jarrod and Remi returned from their honeymoon and the family was sitting down for dinner. At the end of the meal, Jarrod spoke up._

"_Remi and I have an announcement to make." He looked lovingly at his new wife and she returned the look. "We're having a baby."_

_Audra gasped in delight. Heath gave Jarrod a quick grin._

"_Boy howdy, you do work fast, big brother," he commented. Jarrod and Remi continued to look at each other._

_Victoria put down her glass. "Isn't it a little soon to be sure? After all, you've only been married three weeks…" Then the significance hit her. She shot her eldest son an accusing look. "Jarrod, you didn't."_

_Remi smiled and looked down, starting to blush. Jarrod just shrugged helplessly._

"_I my defense I can only say…" He reached out to take Remi's hand and kiss it. "I have no defense," he concluded, gazing into the eyes of the woman he loved._

_Nick broke out laughing. His always proper older brother was the last person he would expect to anticipate the wedding, but, looking at the beautiful woman who was now Jarrod's wife, he certainly couldn't blame him._

Nick shook his head as he remembered. "I remember you two telling the family. Was Mother ever shocked."

Remi smiled. "I remember when they were born. Dr. Merar suspected twins, but since he couldn't be positive, I asked him not to tell anyone. Jarrod and I talked about having a big family, but he suggested we start with one and see how it went. The look on his face when Thomas and Ella were born…"

_Jarrod shook an accusing finger at her. "I thought we'd agreed to start with one," he said, a twinkle in his eyes. Remi smiled at him. The labor had been long and she was tired, but her smile was still dazzling._

"_I'm sorry, my love," she told him teasingly, "I guess I just thought it'd be faster this way."_

_Jarrod laughed and reached down to kiss her, as passionate and loving as any kiss they'd ever shared._

"I just can't believe he's really gone," she said quietly. "Oh, Nick," she said, raising sorrowful eyes to look at him. "What am I going to do without him?"

Nick held her tight. "You'll go on," he told her, trying to convince himself as well. "We'll all go on."

They stayed like that for a few minutes until a small voice broke the silence.

"Mama?"

Remi looked up to see her oldest daughter, Ella, standing beside them. _She has Jarrod's eyes,_ was Remi's first thought. "Yes, sweetheart?"

"Grandma asked me to find you. Some of the guests are starting to leave."

Remi sighed and rose to her feet. "I'd better head back in." She placed a hand on Nick's arm. "Thanks, Nick."

He covered her hand with his own. "Anytime, Red." He and Ella watched as she walked into the house.

Ella turned to look at her Uncle Nick. She could see a trace of tears on his cheeks and sat down beside him.

"Can I ask you a question, Uncle Nick?" she said. Nick patted her knee.

"Of course, honey. You can ask me anything."

The dark-haired girl sat quietly for a moment. "Thomas says crying is for babies."

Nick still remembered what being a nine-year-old boy felt like. He considered his answer carefully before he spoke. "Well, Ella, in some ways, your brother is right. Only babies cry if they bump their knee or someone takes the last piece of pie. But sometimes, when you lose something real important, it's okay to cry." He could see the tears welling up in Ella's eyes.

"Did you cry when your papa died?"

Nick nodded as he gathered his niece into a big hug. "I sure did, honey. And I've cried for my big brother, your papa."

As the young girl exhausted her tears into his shirt, Nick remembered his last promise to Jarrod. _No need to worry, big brother, I'll take care of them for you._


	3. Chapter 3

It was hard without Jarrod, especially that first Christmas, but over time the family resumed a somewhat normal routine. There were still chores to be done and schoolwork to do, plus Heath and Rebecca's wedding. Rebecca had suggested they postpone it, but Remi insisted they continue as planned. The family needed something to celebrate, she insisted, and Jarrod wouldn't have wanted them to delay because of him.

Nick spent a lot of time at the house with Remi and the children, wanting to be there if they needed him. He was there when Remi first felt the baby kick and held little Vicky as she placed her hand on Mama's tummy. She jumped and squealed, laughing in delight and causing laughter all around. The other children soon ran outside to play in the spring sunshine and Nick offered to take Vicky upstairs for her nap.

When he returned, he found Remi sitting in the same place, one hand on her growing belly, the other holding a framed photograph. There were tears in her eyes. Nick sat beside her and saw it was their last family picture, the one taken shortly after Vicky's birth. Jarrod and Remi were seated, Remi holding Vicky and Jarrod with a one-year-old James on his lap, his arm around his wife. Adam was sitting beside him and Beth and Emily were on the other side of Remi. Thomas, Ella, Katey and Josh all sat on the floor at their parents' feet. The happiness that flourished in the Barkley household shone in all their faces.

"He was so thrilled when I told him about the baby," Remi said as a tear rolled down her cheek. "I don't think Jarrod was ever happier than when he was surrounded by his children."

"Only when he was kissing his wife," Nick corrected her. Remi had to smile.

"Are you staying for supper?" she asked, changing the subject while she wiped her eyes. "Rosa's teaching Ella how to make enchiladas."

Nick looked thoughtful. "Well, I reckon that should be safe. Mother's taken Rebecca into San Francisco to visit Audra and Heath's gone to check on the lumber camp, so it beats eating alone."

Remi put a hand on his arm. "You know you're always welcome. The children love having Uncle Nick stay for dinner. And I always appreciate a little adult conversation." She smiled warmly. "You'll make some woman a wonderful husband one day." Remi got up, still graceful despite her condition. "I'll go let Rosa know to set an extra place."

Nick watched her leave the room. Now that Heath was married, Nick was the only Barkley left single. He thought on all the women he had known and courted, and there was always something missing. He figured out years ago that his best friend Red had spoiled other women for him. He wasn't going to settle for anyone less beautiful or intelligent, without the sparkle in her eyes as she laughed or the love she bestowed on her husband and her children.

It was in that moment Nick realized he was in love with her and had been in love with her for years. Not just someone like her, but Remington herself. _Oh, no, Nick,_ he chided himself, _her husband, your brother, the love of her life, has only been dead a few months. She's pregnant with his baby. You can't be having feelings like this._ But deep down, his heart knew the truth and he knew it would never change.

.

Remi was all by herself, enjoying some time alone. Audra had come for a visit and she, Rebecca and Victoria had taken all the children on a picnic. The baby wasn't due for a week or two and Remi assured them she'd be fine by herself.

She made a cup of tea and was sitting on the porch, enjoying the sunshine when she felt the first labour pains. Remembering it was Rosa's day off, she experienced a moment of panic_. Oh, Jarrod_, she thought, _I need you here_. Jarrod had been present for the births of all their children and Remi didn't know how she was going to do it without him. _Calm down, take a deep breath, _she reasoned. _You're not alone. Someone has to be around._ Remi headed in the direction of the stables, hoping to find Nick or Heath. There was no way she was planning to have this baby by herself.

She found the two cowboys repairing one of the corral gates.

"And what brings you over here?" Nick greeted. "I thought you were after some peace and quiet with the kids out of the house."

Remi tried to smile. "I was but-" A pained expression passed over her face as she experienced another contraction. "This one has other ideas," she finished, hand on her belly.

"I'll ride for the doc," Heath offered. He quickly grabbed the reins of the nearest saddled horse and galloped off.

Nick put an arm around her as Remi breathed deeply, waiting for a contraction to pass. "Let's get you back to the house," he said.

They had to pause several times on the way there as her contractions grew stronger. They made it into the house and Nick helped her up the stairs to her room. She sat on the bed as another wave of pain passed through her. The contractions were coming closer together and she didn't think it would be very long before the baby came.

"Now we just have to wait for the doctor to get here," Nick told her.

Remi gave him a rueful look. "I don't think this one's going to wait that long, Nick."

Nick looked at her before the impact of her statement sank in. "Oh, no," he said getting up and backing slowly to the door. "You can't expect- I'm no doctor!"

In spite of the situation, Remi had to laugh. The stunned look on Nick's face was almost worth it. But if there was anyone she trusted to help her bring this baby into the world safely, it was Nick Barkley. "Come on, now, Nick. It's not as though you haven't delivered hundreds of foals and calves around the ranch."

Nick shook a warning finger at her. "Now, that's not the same. You're a woman, not a cow."

"I'm glad you can tell the difference," she teased, then took another deep breath as she had another contraction, the strongest one yet. "Please, Nick," she implored him. "I can't have this baby alone."

Nick walked over and put his arms around her. "I won't leave you alone," he promised as he held her close, then gave her a pleading look. "Just please try and wait for the doc."

In the end, Remi was right and Dr. Merar was too late. Nick helped Remi deliver her new son and was sitting beside them when Heath and the doctor arrived. Dr. Merar checked over both mother and baby and pronounced them completely healthy.

"Looks like you could have a new career as a midwife," Heath kidded his big brother. Nick shook his head vehemently.

"Oh, no," he replied. "This is my first and my last. I'd much rather be breaking wild horses."

Dr. Merar handed the baby back to his mother. "And what are you going to name him?" he asked.

Remi gazed tenderly at her son's bright blue eyes. "Jarrod," she said simply. "His name is Jarrod."


	4. Chapter 4

Baby Jarrod grew quickly, as babies do. With all the work a new baby brought, even though she'd been through it before, Remi was so busy that on that day she didn't realize what day it actually was. She went into the parlour with a cup of tea and her eyes happened to glance at the calendar on the desk. The teacup fell on the floor, shattering. November 27. The anniversary of Jarrod's death. Remi stood, unmoving, as the realization hit her. Had it really been a whole year? She felt herself start to shake and made her way to the sofa before her legs gave out on her.

Remi could still recall Jarrod holding her in his arms, whispering "I love you" in her ear. She could still feel the touch of his hands on her skin, the way it felt when they were together. She still missed him terribly, but, surprisingly, remembering didn't bring as much pain as it used to, just a bittersweet yearning for the man who was part of her soul. Lost in her memories, Remi didn't hear the sound of knocking at the door, or the footsteps crossing the foyer. She jumped and almost screamed when a hand rested on her shoulder.

"Nick Barkley!" she exclaimed. "You scared me half to death!"

The tall cowboy looked apologetic as he sat beside her. "Sorry, Red," he said contritely. "But you were a million miles away." He noticed the broken china on the floor. "Everything okay?"

Remi nodded. "Everything's fine," she reassured him. "I just…just remembered what day it is."

Nick took her hand in his. "Me, too," he said softly. "I came over to make sure you were doing all right." Since waking up that morning, all Nick could think about was Remi and the kids and how they were getting along. Nick couldn't leave his beloved Red to go through this day alone.

Remi leaned her head on Nick's shoulder and he put a comforting arm around her. They were silent for a few minutes.

"I still miss him, Nick," Remi said finally. "And so do the children."

"We all miss him, Red," Nick told her. "You know I'll always be here for you, but nothing'll ever be the same without Jarrod."

Remi gave him a slight smile. Nick had always made sure to be there for her, even to the point of helping deliver baby Jarrod. She didn't know how she would have gotten through the past year without his steady, supportive presence. When one of the children had a problem, be it a scraped knee or getting in trouble for fighting with a sibling, Uncle Nick was always there with a kiss, a hug and a sympathetic ear. And when the loneliness got to be too much for her to bear, Nick always had a strong arm to support her and a shoulder for her to cry on.

"Mama! Uncle Nick!" Thomas burst through the door and skidded around the corner. "You've gotta come see!"

Nick looked at his eldest nephew. "Come see what, Thomas?"

"I finally did it!" Thomas' face was glowing with excitement. "I finally got the hang of that roping you've been trying to teach me, Uncle Nick!"

"Well, that's wonderful! I told you all you needed was practice." Nick got to his feet and went to Thomas. He flung an arm around the boy's shoulders. "This I've got to see!" He turned back to Remi. "Coming, Red?"

Remi gave them an indulgent smile. "I'll be there in just a minute," she said. She watched as the two cowboys, one big and one small, left the house. Nick made a wonderful father figure for her children, but she knew someday he'd meet someone and finally have a family of his own. Remi suddenly felt envious of that unknown woman, begrudging her the closeness and affection she and Nick now shared. Selfishly, she wished Nick would remain in her life forever.

"What am I thinking?" she whispered to herself, shocked. Was she really attracted to Nick in that way? Her best friend, the brother of her beloved husband? As Remi looked back, she realized that her feelings for Nick had changed since baby Jarrod's birth. She had always depended on him for friendship and emotional support, but lately she looked forward to time spent with him in a different way. _Am I falling in love with Nick?_ she wondered_. And if I am, what in the world am I going to do about it?_

_.  
><em>

Remi tried to pay no attention to her newfound feelings for Nick. There was absolutely no point in dwelling on them, as she had no intention of acting on them. Too many complications could arise, the foremost being Nick's own feelings. She couldn't tell him to find out he only thought of her as his friend. That strain on their relationship could damage it irrevocably and she couldn't bear to see that happen. Nick was too important in all their lives. Fortunately, the holiday season was upon them and she was kept busy with Christmas preparations. There hadn't been much of a Christmas the previous year and Remi was determined to make this one special for all the children. Ten-year-old Thomas and Ella had received horses of their own for their birthdays and she had ordered a custom set of tack for both. Nick had been searching and had found a perfect mount for nine-year-old Katey, plus gentle ponies for eight-year-old Josh and twins Beth and Emily. The other four were too young for horses of their own, but one of Rebecca's friends had an English Setter with new pups and two of them were coming as gifts for Adam, five, and James, four. Two-year-old Vicky would be thrilled with just the toys brought by Santa and Jarrod was still a baby. Everything was shaping up to be a wonderful Christmas, in spite of what they would always be missing.

A couple days before the holiday, Nick and Heath took the older children out to find Christmas trees for both of the Barkley residences. They arrived back late in the afternoon, cheeks glowing and full of excitement. Two large pines accompanied them and there was much laughter as they tried to get the largest through Remi's front door. Remi and Heath finally convinced Nick and the children that Grandma's house had a much bigger door and the big tree would fit better over there. They got the smaller tree set up by the fireplace and then everyone trooped over to the main house to help with the big tree. Victoria already had the boxes of decorations out and she and Rebecca were sorting through them as Nick and Heath brought the tree through the door.

"My goodness!" Victoria exclaimed. "Where on earth did you find it?"

Josh ran over to her. "I spotted it, Grandma," he said proudly. "I saw it and told Uncle Nick it would be the perfect tree for our house but it wouldn't fit through the door, so we brought it over here."

Victoria gave him a quick hug. "Well, you're right, it is perfect, dear. Thank you."

Remi walked over to give Rebecca a hand with the box she was moving as Nick and Heath wrestled the tree into place with shouted instructions from the Barkley children.

"Let me do that," she told her sister-in-law. "You go sit down."

Rebecca, roundly pregnant, smiled. "Thanks, Remi, but I'm fine."

Remi steered her to a chair. "I know you're fine, but believe me, there's not going to be much chance after the baby comes, so take all the rest you can get now." She grabbed a handful of ribbons and gave them to Rebecca. "You can be just as useful untangling these." Rebecca gave in and started untangling the snarled mess. Soon, the tree was up and the decorations hung. The tree glittered, garlands of pine and ribbon wreathed the walls and the traditional mistletoe hung in the doorway.

Victoria sat on the sofa, baby Jarrod on her lap and gazed around the house. "Everything looks so wonderful," she observed. "Thank you, everyone, for helping."

"We love to help, Grandma," Emily said, coming to sit beside her. "Don't we, Beth?" Her twin nodded and joined them.

Nick backed up, admiring the tree. "I think this calls for some eggnog and cookies," he declared. "Ella, Katey, why don't you come with me to the kitchen and we'll see what we can find." The two older girls happily skipped off to the kitchen with Uncle Nick.

Heath moved to sit beside his wife. "And how are you feeling?" he asked, kissing her cheek.

Rebecca smiled at him. "A little tired," she admitted. "Remi, how could you do this eight times?"

Remi shrugged, a smile on her face. "I never really thought about it. Jarrod and I loved our children and I guess it just seemed right." She laughed and got to her feet. "It probably helped that I was never sick. I think I'll go see if they need any help in the kitchen."

As Remi headed for the kitchen, she almost collided with Nick in the doorway. He managed to avoid spilling the bowl of eggnog and gave her a stern look. "Watch where you're going, Red." All of a sudden, giggles were heard from behind him. Nick turned to fix his nieces with a steely gaze. "And just what's so funny?" he demanded.

After a few more giggles, Ella spoke up. "You and Mama are standing under the mistletoe," she pointed out.

"And that means you have to kiss her," Katey added. The girls giggled some more, waiting.

Nick turned back to Remi. She was looking at him with an unreadable expression on her face. All of a sudden, the room seemed to close in on him. He wanted to kiss her more than anything, but not here, not like this. Nick fought off an overwhelming desire to run and forced himself to smile.

"I guess it is tradition," he said and leaned over to give Remi a soft kiss on the lips. Her lips were so sweet, so warm, Nick had a hard time pulling away.

"Well, let's have some of this eggnog," he announced and walked quickly to place it on the table before he had a chance to think about what just happened.

Remi took the plate of cookies from Ella and set it beside the eggnog. She avoided looking at Nick as the children swarmed over, each trying to get the biggest cookie. The kiss she shared with Nick had completely unnerved her. She thought she could ignore the feelings she had for Nick, but it didn't seem to be working. Maybe she should just go ahead and tell him. Their friendship was surely strong enough to weather something like this and having him tell her they were just friends might nip the feelings in the bud. Remi decided she'd have to talk to Nick after all.


	5. Chapter 5

It had become the tradition to spend Christmas Eve at the main house and Christmas morning at Jarrod and Remi's. That way, everyone could share in the joy and excitement of the children opening their presents. This Christmas was no different with the exception of Audra, who was spending Christmas with her husband's family this year. Everyone gathered in Victoria's parlour Christmas Eve and enjoyed eating countless Christmas treats and singing carols as Ella showed off her growing skill at the piano. Finally, the children started nodding off and Nick offered to help get them home. After many questions of "When is Santa coming?" and "Can I stay up just a little bit more?", the children were reminded that Santa only came if everyone was asleep and at long last, Remi and Nick got them all settled for the night. She walked him to the door.

"Thank you for all your help, Nick," Remi told him. "I know they can be a handful."

Nick just smiled. "Now you know how much I love those kids," he replied. "It's always a pleasure to help tuck them in at night." Hand on the doorknob, he turned back to her. "Merry Christmas, Red."

"Merry Christmas, Nick."

Nick couldn't resist giving her a friendly good night kiss. But it didn't stay friendly for long. They couldn't contain their unspoken feelings for each other any more and the kiss grew deeper and more passionate. At length, they pulled apart, and stood for a long moment, neither looking at the other.

"Nick, I think we need to talk," Remi said finally.

Nick nodded. "I think you're right."

They walked into the parlour. Remi sat on the sofa and Nick moved to lean against the mantel. Neither wanted to be the first to speak up.

Remi was the first to break the silence. "We've known each other for a long time, Nick. Your friendship has been one of the most important things in my life and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize it. But…" She wasn't sure how to continue.

"But our feelings for each other have changed." The kiss at the door made Nick realize that Remi was experiencing the same troubling emotions as he was.

"What are we going to do, Nick?"

Nick walked over to sit beside her. "What do you want to do?"

Remi looked up and her emerald eyes met his hazel ones. "If it was just us…" She paused for a moment before continuing. "But it's not just us. There are the children to think of."

"My brother's children," was Nick's soft reply.

Remi nodded. "And the rest of the family. I'm not sure how Heath or your mother would react." She reached up and laid a hand against Nick's cheek. He took it in his and kissed it tenderly.

"And if it was just us?"

Remi slid her hands around Nick's waist and moved closer. "If it was just us-" She turned her face and brought her lips to his. He put his arms around her and held her tightly as the kiss grew more intense. Neither of them wanted the moment to end.

"I want to be with you, Red," Nick said finally. "I want to help raise those kids and grow old with you by my side. But I don't think I could ever take Jarrod's place."

"Oh, Nick." Remi rested her head on his chest. "No one could ever take Jarrod's place. And no one could ever take yours. I think our hearts are big enough to find room for all our loves."

Up until then, Nick wasn't sure what he would do if the unthinkable happened and Remi actually returned his feelings. But in that moment, he knew what he wanted. "Will you marry me, Red?"

"Yes, Nick, I will," was her reply.

They were up most of the night, talking. As Remi had pointed out, there was more than just their feelings to consider. Nick said he would speak to his mother and Heath before talking to the children. They decided that if there were any objections from the family, they would end things right there. Their family was too important to both of them to risk any kind of conflict that might cause a rift, even if it left both of them bereft.

Nick managed to get Heath alone later Christmas Day. They were in the stable, making sure the adored Christmas horses were well groomed and the tack was put away properly in all the excitement. Heath could tell Nick was uncomfortable and was giving him some space to say what was on his mind, but finally he couldn't stand the tension in the air.

"Spit it out, Nick," he told the tall cowboy.

Nick fiddled with the reins of one of the bridles hung on the wall before speaking. "What would you say if I told you I was in love with Red and asked her to marry me?"

Heath looked at his brother in disbelief. "I don't know what I'd say, Nick. Are you telling me you and Remi are planning to get married?"

Nick nodded. "Reckon that is what I'm telling you."

Heath stated the obvious. "Nick, she's Jarrod's wife."

Nick took off his hat and ran a hand though his hair. "I know that, Heath. But Jarrod's been gone over a year and you didn't think Red would never remarry, did you?"

"So what, you just decided to keep it all in the family, is that it?"

"No, that's not it!" Nick snapped. "I love her and she loves me and that's all there is to it!" Nick took a deep breath to calm himself. "Heath, we're not taking this lightly. We know what's at stake with the family and kids and all. I just want Red and the kids to be happy and if I can find some happiness too, what's the harm in that?"

Heath shook his head, unsure. "I don't know, Nick. I just don't want to see anyone get hurt." He looked intently at his older brother. "Have you told Mother yet?"

Nick replaced his hat on his head. "Not yet. I figured I'd try you first, see what you had to say."

"Not sure what to say," Heath answered. "But you're both old enough to know your own minds. If you and Remi decide it's the right thing to do, I reckon I can't stop you."

Nick put a brotherly hand on Heath's shoulder. "Thanks, Heath." Not quite the ringing endorsement he was hoping for, but it would have to do.

Now came the hard part. Telling his mother. If Heath had trouble accepting his marrying Remington, Nick was sure she wasn't going to be any happier. After all, marrying your brother's widow was not something one usually did. Nick braced himself for the worst. After all, it wasn't like Remi would ever be gone from his life. If his mother objected, they'd just have to go on being just friends. It wouldn't be easy, but they'd been friends for twenty years and they'd manage somehow.

That evening, Victoria came upon Nick standing alone by the fireplace, staring unseeing at the flames. She had sensed something was bothering him all day and decided now would be a good time to talk.

"Did you have a good Christmas, Nick?" she asked as she walked over to him.

Nick turned to her. "Oh, hello, Mother. I didn't see you come in. I guess I'd have to say it was a good Christmas."

Victoria sat near him. "The children were certainly pleased with their gifts, especially Katey. That palomino you picked out was the perfect horse for her."

Nick had to smile, recalling the expression on his niece's face when she saw that horse waiting for her. "I'd do anything to make those kids happy, Mother." He turned to stare at the fire again, not sure how to continue.

Victoria folded her hands in her lap. "Nick, something's bothering you and it has been all day. Would you care to talk about it?"

Nick took a deep breath. "Mother, you know how close Red and I are, and you know how much I love those kids."

Victoria nodded. "Remington's been a friend of yours for years," she said slowly, "and she and Jarrod were married almost ten." She was afraid she could see where this was leading.

"Well, Red and I've been doing some talking and we think it might be a good idea if we got married." There. He said it. Nick glanced at Victoria. She was sitting perfectly still, expressionless.

"What about the children, Nick?" she finally asked. "Have you thought about what they might think of their Uncle Nick trying to take the place of their father?"

Nick slammed his hand against the mantel. "Mother, I would never try to take Jarrod's place! He was their father and no one can ever take that away!" He paced across the room to stare out the window.

Victoria wasn't done. "And what about Remington? She and Jarrod were so connected, so much in love. Aren't you worried she might be trying to replace him with you? Do you think that's a healthy way to start a marriage?"

Nick ran a hand through his hair and walked slowly back over to his mother. "We love each other," he said simply. "But we won't let that cause any problems for the family. If you find you can't accept it, we'll call the whole thing off."

Victoria knew Nick was completely sincere and knew she had to be honest, no matter how much it hurt. "I'm sorry, Nick. I just can't see how this is a good idea."

Nick fought off the heartbreak that engulfed him. "I understand," was all he said. "Goodnight, Mother." He kissed her on the cheek and made his way up the stairs.


	6. Chapter 6

When Remi saw Nick the next morning, she could tell from his face it hadn't gone well. Bracing herself for the worst, she went over to him.

"Good morning, Nick."

"Morning, Red." He gazed at her, aching to take her in his arms and kiss her, to tell her that everything was all right, that they were going to have the most wonderful life together. But things didn't always work out and not everyone got what they wanted in life.

"They said no, didn't they?" It wasn't really a question.

Nick nodded. "I'm sorry, Red."

She gave him a smile, trying to hold back the tears. "It's okay, Nick. We knew this might happen."

They stood awkwardly for a moment, then Nick couldn't stop himself any longer. He gathered Remi into his arms and kissed her long and hard. When they broke apart, a tear was running down Remi's cheek and Nick's eyes were unusually bright.

"Well, got a lot of work to do today," Nick said, "guess I should get at it."

Remi tried to force a smile. "See you later, Nick. We'll have you over for dinner soon."

"I'm gonna be real busy for a while, especially since Heath'll want to be there after Rebecca has the baby." Nick wasn't sure when he'd be up to a family dinner with Remi and the kids. "I'll let you know."

Remi understood. "Bye, Nick," she said and walked quickly back to the house before he could see her crying. Nick watched her go, then moved slowly back toward the stables to saddle up and ride out to find something to keep him from thinking.

.

Heath hadn't meant to see the whole exchange, but when he spotted Nick and Remi together, something compelled him to watch. He saw the tears in Remi's eyes and the pain etched on Nick's face as they said goodbye. Suddenly feeling guilty, he reconsidered his reaction of the day before. What if Nick and Remi truly loved each other? Did anyone have the right to stand in their way? There was no question the kids adored their Uncle Nick. Anything requiring a father figure was automatically taken to him first. Heath decided he needed to talk to his wife about the whole situation.

He found her up in their room, sorting though the mound of baby things Remi had given them. With the baby due any day, Rebecca wanted to be as prepared as possible, even though Remi assured her no one ever felt prepared. She smiled as Heath entered the room.

"I didn't expect to see you," she said as he sat down beside her and gave her a kiss. "I thought Nick would have you hard at work already."

Heath didn't answer for a moment. "Actually, it's Nick I want to talk to you about."

Rebecca put down the blanket she was folding and gave her full attention to her husband. "Is something wrong? I know he's been a little distracted lately."

"He and Remi've been thinking about getting married," Heath told her.

Rebecca was a little surprised, but not shocked. She knew how much closer they had become since Jarrod's death and could tell how much Nick cared for the whole family. But it was Heath's troubled expression that caught her attention. "You don't think it's a good idea."

Heath shook his head. "I don't know, Rebecca. I didn't think so at first, I just keep thinking about Jarrod and Remi and how they were together…"

Rebecca considered her response carefully. "All I can say is if it were us, and I were gone, I'd want you to be happy, even if that meant with someone else. Do you really think Jarrod felt any differently?" When Heath didn't answer, she placed a hand on his arm. "Listen to your heart, Heath. That's all any of us can do."

Heath carefully considered what she said. No, he didn't think Jarrod would feel any differently. Jarrod wouldn't want Remi to be alone and had known how deep Remi and Nick's friendship went. And after what he witnessed that morning, his heart told him they truly loved each other. Heath gave his wife a kiss. "How did I get so lucky to find you?" he asked. Rebecca just smiled at him as he got up to go. "Have you seen Mother?"

"I think she was writing thank-you notes in the library." She watched as her husband left the room and hoped everything would work out.

Sure enough, Heath found his mother seated at the desk in the library. She looked up and smiled at him as he entered.

"I need to talk to you, Mother," Heath stated, walking over to the desk.

Victoria sat back in the chair. "About Nick and Remington."

Heath nodded. "I've been wondering if we're doing the right thing."

"Do you really think agreeing to this marriage is wise, Heath?" Victoria questioned him. She had spent a sleepless night mulling over the same question and still couldn't see how she could approve of Nick marrying his brother's widow.

"I don't know," Heath admitted. "But I've been doing some thinking. Nick and Remi won't go on with it if we object out of consideration for our feelings. Don't we owe their feelings as much consideration? What if they really are in love? This family has gone through enough pain, do we have the right to cause them any more?"

Heath's words affected Victoria deeply and she couldn't find a response. He kissed her on the cheek as he left. Victoria tried to get back to her correspondence, but after the third ruined envelope, she gave up and decided to go for a ride to clear her head.

.

.

When Remi returned to the house, she searched out her children. The older ones were likely at the stable, making a fuss over the new horse and ponies but she found twins Beth and Emily trying dresses on their new dolls, trying to keep them away from their younger brothers and the new puppies. She swept them up in a big hug. "It's beautiful day," she told them, trying to cheer her own spirits. "What do you want to do?'

Emily considered for a minute. "Can we take some flowers to Papa?"

Remi hugged her daughter again. "Of course we can," she told her in a soft voice. "We haven't done that in a while, have we?"

"And then we can go on a picnic!" Adam suggested enthusiastically.

Remi smiled. Her children were just what she needed to brighten her mood and visiting Jarrod's grave always made her feel less alone. "Why don't you boys go find your brothers and sisters in the stables and ask Thomas to get someone to help him hitch up the wagon?" The boys eagerly ran off, puppies trailing.

All of a sudden, Beth's face fell. "But, Mama, there aren't many flowers out now," she said. Emily looked sad. Remi thought hard. She wasn't going to let anything stop them from enjoying this day.

"I know. Why don't you gather some of the pine boughs from the hall table and some ribbon? I'm sure you can make that into a lovely arrangement."

Cheered, the two girls ran off. Remi found Rosa helping the littlest ones tidy their rooms while baby Jarrod tried to stick his toes in his mouth. With Rosa's help, they had a wonderful picnic assembled by the time Thomas drove the wagon to the front door. The children all piled in with the exception of Thomas and Ella, who had permission to ride their own horses. It was a short drive to the peaceful spot where Jarrod had been buried beside his father. The children fussed over the placement of the pine bough bouquet while Remi watched.

_I hope you can see them, Jarrod,_ she thought. _I hope you can see what wonderful children we made._ She cuddled the baby in her arms and she thought about Nick. So like Jarrod in many ways, yet so different. _Please help me be strong, my love._ She could almost feel the touch of Jarrod's arms around her. Not the same as the arms of a living, breathing person, but it would have to be enough. She tried to banish the thought of Nick's strong arms encircling her and couldn't help wishing they could have a chance. She was sitting there, lost in thought, when Thomas and Ella mounted their horses and the rest of the children clambered back into the wagon.

"Come on, Mama," Thomas called, "I know the perfect place for the picnic." Remi shook herself back to the present. She handed Jarrod to Katey on the seat beside her and clucked to the horses, following Thomas until they came to a shady spot at the edge of the trees.

"Right here," her eldest son announced. Soon, the blanket was spread and the picnic lunch laid out. Everyone filled their plates and was starting to eat when Remi heard the sound of hoofbeats approaching. She looked to see Nick riding up and tried not to let the feelings she had on seeing him show. Nick remained mounted, seeming unsure himself until the cries of "Uncle Nick!" made him smile and dismount. Adam ran over and grabbed him by the hand.

"Come on, Uncle Nick! We're having a picnic! Come join us!" he said enthusiastically, pulling Nick to where everyone was seated. Nick looked over at Remi and she smiled and nodded slightly.

Nick pushed his hat back off his forehead as he sat down. "Well, now, this looks like a mighty fine spread. Are you sure there's enough?"

Katey giggled. "We've already got ours. I don't know if what's left is enough for you, Uncle Nick."

Nick made a motion, pretending to throw a carrot stick at his blonde niece. She just giggled again.

Beth piped up. "We took some flowers to Papa." She paused. "I guess they weren't really flowers, we used pine boughs, but it's almost the same."

Nick gazed at her, touched by the love Jarrod's children had for him. He looked over at Remi, who was smiling fondly at her daughter. She felt Nick's gaze and returned it with a smile.

"I'm sure your papa loved them. I reckon I'll just have to wander by after this lovely picnic and have a look myself."

The children had a wonderful time and even Nick and Remi enjoyed themselves in spite of all that was going on. James begged Uncle Nick to play grizzly and Uncle Nick agreed, getting down on all fours and chasing the kids around, growling. Even Ella and Thomas, who usually considered themselves too grown-up for that kind of game, joined in, rescuing Vicky from the clutches of the 'grizzly' by finding Nick's ticklish spots and mercilessly exploiting them. Remi laughed so hard she had tears streaming down her face. Nick conspired with his attackers and while she wasn't paying attention, they pounced on Remi and began to tickle her instead.

.

.

Victoria's ride took her eventually to the site of her husband and son's graves. She spent a few private moments, reflecting. Would she have remarried? If the right person had come along, perhaps, she had to admit. Victoria read the inscription carved on Jarrod's headstone.

_Beloved father, beloved husband, beloved brother, beloved son_.

He had been so many things to so many people and it struck her that part of her objection to Nick and Remi getting married was that she was afraid they would be losing what remained of Jarrod's memory. She gazed at the garland adorning her son's grave and saw the love whichever of the children crafted it had felt. Feeling less troubled, Victoria remounted her horse and rode along, still lost in thought when she heard children's delighted shrieks. She came upon the picnic just in time to see Nick, Thomas and Ella start tickling Remi, with the rest of the children soon joining in. She could feel the closeness and the love Nick shared with his older brother's family.

"That certainly looks like fun."

At the sound of her voice, the children stopped what they were doing and ran over. "Grandma!" Nick and Remi sat up, feeling slightly guilty, as Victoria dismounted and gave her all grandchildren big hugs.

Katey took Victoria's hand and led her to the picnic blanket. "Would you like some pie, Grandma? I'm sure Uncle Nick didn't eat it all."

"Hey!" Nick protested, pretending to be offended.

Victoria took a seat on the picnic blanket and Katey served her a piece of apple pie. Nick stood up and brushed himself off. "Well, I guess I should get back to work." The girls all came up to give him a big hug.

"Thank you for joining us, Uncle Nick," Ella said politely.

Nick gave her a kiss on the cheek. "It was mighty nice of you all to invite me," he replied. Thomas came over and handed Nick his hat and Nick ruffled the boy's dark hair. "When I get back, we'll take that horse of yours and see if we can't start teaching him what cattle are all about."

Thomas beamed. "Thanks, Uncle Nick! That'd be great!"

Nick went to collect his horse just as one of the ranch hands, came galloping up. "Cody!" Nick called. "What's wrong?"

Cody pulled up his horse, but didn't dismount. He spoke to Victoria. "Rebecca's having the baby," he informed her. "Heath asked me to find you or Remi then ride on for the doctor."

Victoria put down her plate and stood up. "I'll ride home right away."

Cody tipped his hat. "I'll head into town and be back with the doctor," he said before galloping away.

Remi started collecting the picnic things. "Tell Rebecca I'll be there as soon as I can," she told Victoria as the other woman mounted her horse.

Nick walked over leading his black gelding. "Here, Remi, take my horse and go with Mother. I can get everyone home for you."

Remi stopped packing up and pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "Are you sure, Nick?"

Nick waved a dismissive hand in the air. "Oh, sure, no problem. There can't be more than, what, twelve, thirteen kids to round up?"

Remi gave him a reproachful look. Ella put hand on her arm. "Don't worry, Mama. We can get everyone home even with Uncle Nick helping." She gave Nick an impish smile and he stuck his tongue out at her.

"If you're sure-" She squawked as Nick unexpectedly hoisted her into the saddle. "Nick!"

"Get going," he told her. "Or Rebecca'll have the baby without you."

Remi and Victoria headed back to the house at a fast pace, both grateful there was no chance for conversation. Victoria was still re-evaluating her position on Nick and Remi's relationship and Remi was unsure what her mother-in-law's feelings toward her were at the moment.

They arrived at the ranch in good time and found Heath with Rebecca in their room. Rebecca was handling the labour pains well, better than Heath, and Remi recommended they take a walk though the house and around the garden if Rebecca felt up to it. Walking had helped her during the delivery of her children, and besides, Heath was going to fret himself into a state if they didn't get him doing something. They took Remi's advice, Heath with a supportive arm around his wife's waist. By the time the doctor came, Rebecca was well on her way and it wasn't long before a newborn's cry could be heard throughout the house.

Nick showed up after leaving the kids in Rosa's capable hands.

"Well?" he demanded as Victoria and Remi came down the stairs.

"A health baby girl," Victoria told him, eyes shining. "Baby and mother are both doing just fine."

"Glad to hear it." Nick was trying to avoid looking at Remington and she was doing the same.

"I should get home," Remi said in a quiet voice. "Victoria, could you tell Rebecca I'll come over later, after she's had a chance to rest?"

"Of course, dear." Remi turned to leave and Victoria was aware that she hadn't even spoken to Nick. Glancing over at Nick, Victoria could see the unhappiness in his eyes as he watched Remi start to go. Victoria brought to mind the scene from earlier that day, of Nick with Remi and the children. "Could I speak to both of you?" Remi turned back apprehensively and looked at Nick, who had an unreadable expression on his face.

"You both are very dear to me," Victoria began, "and I love you both very much. I also loved Jarrod. I guess I'm just having a hard time accepting that it may be time to move on."

Nick walked over and put an arm around his mother. "We all loved Jarrod, Mother. Just because Red and I've found something together doesn't change that."

"I want nothing more than for my family to be happy," Victoria continued. "Are you sure this is what you both want? Are you sure you're not just trying to fill a void in your lives with each other?"

Remi responded. "Victoria, Nick isn't Jarrod. Jarrod and I were soulmates and nothing could ever take the place of that. Nick is Nick. My best friend. The man I love and want to be by my side." She moved and Nick took her hand. "We just want the chance to be happy together."

"Mother…" Nick started, but Victoria silenced him with a shake of her head.

"It's all right, Nick. I understand. You have my blessing." Victoria laid a hand on both their cheeks and headed off to the kitchen, leaving them alone together.

Nick gathered Remi into his arms. "I love you, Red."

Remi gazed into his eyes. "I love you, too, Nick."

.

.

Nick and Remington were married in a private ceremony, attended by just the family, although just the family consisted of Victoria, Heath and Rebecca and baby Leah, Audra and Charlie and their two children, not to mention Remi and Jarrod's ten. Thomas, the eldest, proudly walked his mother to where Nick stood and the tall rancher was almost overcome with the love he felt for this woman before him. Nick was even able to surprise Remi by calling her by her real name as he said his wedding vows, rather than the endearment Red he'd used for so many years. A few tears escaped from the Barkley family members as Remi repeated her vows to Nick, remembering a day eleven years ago Remi said those same words to their eldest son and brother. It wasn't lost on anyone as Nick slipped his ring onto her finger to sit beside it that Remi still wore the wedding band Jarrod had given her that day.

Immediately after the ceremony and with the well wishes of the family, Nick and Remi rode off for a short honeymoon at the Barkley hunting lodge. They weren't going to take one, but the children had ganged up on them and made their own arrangements to stay with Grandma, Uncle Heath and Aunt Becky, informing Mama and Uncle Nick that if they were getting married, they were going to have a proper honeymoon.

They didn't arrive until well after dark and Remi readied them a late wedding supper of the food her housekeeper had insisted on packing. They ate, not saying much, but with plenty of frequent, loving glances and the occasional brush of fingertips across a hand or arm.

After supper found them unpacking their things in the large bedroom at the back of the house. There was some tension in the air as Remi laid out her nightgown and then looked up at Nick, who was staring out the window.

"Nick?" she said softly. When he didn't answer, she moved to stand behind him and ran her hand up his arm. "What are you thinking?"

Nick didn't say anything, he just wrapped his arms around Remi and held her close.

"Reckon I'm just feeling guilty," he said finally. "Feeling guilty about how happy I am, and how none of this would've been if Jarrod hadn't been killed." His voice broke and a tear trickled down the big cowboy's face. "Oh, God, Red, I wish he was still here, but if he were….." Nick couldn't finish.

Remi closed her eyes on tears of her own. "Don't do this, Nick," she told him, brushing the tear off his cheek with a gentle touch. She loved both of them so much and it broke her heart to see Nick hurting this way. Remi sent a thought heavenward, hoping to find an answer for Nick's pain. She could almost hear Jarrod whisper in her ear how much he loved them both, and how glad he was that neither of them would be alone. "Jarrod wouldn't want you to feel guilty. I know he wants both of us to be happy."

Nick held her tighter. "You're right, Red." He raised a hand to caress her cheek, his fingers tipping her chin so he could reach her lips with his. "I reckon we shouldn't disappoint him."

They didn't notice the whisper of wind that lovingly caressed both their cheeks before it gently swirled out the window.

.

.

.

_"Wherever You Will Go" by The Calling_

_.  
><em>

_So lately, been wonderin'_

_Who will be there to take my place._

_When I'm gone you'll need love_

_To light the shadows on your face._

_If a great wave shall fall_

_And fall upon us all_

_There between the sand and stone_

_Could you make it on your own?_

_[chorus]_

_If I could, then I would,_

_I'll go wherever you will go._

_Way up high or down low,_

_I'll go wherever you will go._

_And maybe, I'll find out_

_The way to make it back someday_

_To watch you, to guide you_

_Through the darkest of your days._

_If a great wave shall fall_

_And fall upon us all._

_Well I hope there's someone out there_

_Who can bring me back to you._

_[chorus]_

_Run away with my heart_

_Run away with my hope_

_Run away with my love._

_I know now just quite how_

_My life and love might still go on._

_In your heart, in your mind_

_I'll stay with you for all of time._

_[chorus]_

_If I could turn back time,_

_I'll go wherever you will go._

_If I could make you mine,_

_I'll go wherever you will go._

_I'll go wherever you will go._


End file.
